Tweets About Parenting
(Hank's 2nd Year)
Judging by my number of likes and retweets, I guessing that most of you don't know about my Twitter account.
Yes, I do have one. It is under my blog name, ‘Dad Writes Things.’
I tweet about a lot of random things, but this past year, I began to post regularly about my life as a new parent.
So, inspired by Hugh Weber aka 'Dude to Dad,' I decided to assemble a year’s worth of my dad tweets into this one, handy blog post.
Part of being a #newparent is trying to remember when you last showered.
(Hint: it was probably 3 days ago)
#newparenting #talesofanewdad #newdad
4:08 AM · Jun 21, 2019·Twitter for Android
(Back when we were first getting Hank to sleep in his own room)
Us: 'I wish he would stop crying and just go to sleep.'
(5 minutes later)
Us: 'Why did he stop crying?! My God, we've got to check on him!'
#newparents #newdad #lifewithababy
11:59 AM · Jun 29, 2019·Twitter for Android
My one year old son loves to dance.
Everywhere. All the time. He gets me to dance.
Keep dancing Hank. Keep dancing everyone.
#dance #ProudDad #dancelikeeveryoneiswatching
6:47 AM · Jul 25, 2019·Twitter for Android
'Please don't lick the trash can.'
Something I've found myself saying quite a bit this week.
#ProudDad #newdad #talesofanewdad #Parenthood
1:56 PM · Jul 27, 2019·Twitter for Android
Who wore it better?
#bweav #hbweav #lederhosen
10:19 AM · Nov 9, 2019·Instagram
We're officially in the 'I can now open the toilet lid & everything in the house must be thrown in there!' phase.
#newdad #prouddad #Parenthood #parenting #dadlife
4:33 AM · Dec 11, 2019·Twitter for Android
After reading countless #ChildrensBooks the past 18 months, I've come to the conclusion that no one seems to agree on what sound a rabbit makes.
#newdad #parenting #parenthood
9:35 PM · Dec 16, 2019·Twitter for Android
Never mind 'mamma' & 'dadda'.
Our son just learned how to moo like a cow & it's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard.
#newdad #parenthood #parenting #prouddad
Almost 19 months in and I'm still terrible at putting socks on my son.
#fatherhood #Parenthood #parenting
4:17 AM · Jan 6, 2020·Twitter for Android
My toddler has recently discovered that he enjoys rifling through my wallet.
I fear this 'phase' may last the rest of our lives.
#prouddad #fatherhood #parenting #parenthood
4:13 AM · Jan 7, 2020·Twitter for Android
The bill paying adult in me can't stop thinking about mamma's out of pocket costs every time she calls that damn doctor.
#fivelittlemonkeys #ChildrensBooks #musicforkids #parenting
3:52 AM · Jan 10, 2020·Twitter for Android
Since becoming a father, I've spent more time staring at the sky than I ever have before.
Airplanes, stars, birds, clouds, the moon.
Thank you Hank for giving me back my sense of wonder.
May you never lose yours!
#talesofanewdad #Parenthood #fatherhood #dadwritesthings
4:35 AM · Jan 15, 2020·Twitter for Android
19 months in & Hank finally understands the hilarity of farts.
#ProudDad #dadlife #parenting #farthumor #fatherhood #dadwritesthings
4:08 AM · Jan 27, 2020·Twitter for Android
(Hank & I playing on the floor)
Hank: (smiling & quietly playing)
Me: (turns to pick up a toy)
Hank: (without making a peep, throws up all over himself)
Hank: (smiling & quietly playing)
Me: How the...??!
#prouddad #parenting #dadlife #dadwritesthings #talesofanewdad
4:42 AM · Jan 28, 2020·Twitter for Android
Parenthood is hiding from your toddler to quickly eat a cookie,
because he ate one earlier & one per day is his limit & he'll freak if he
sees your cookie & you tell him he can't have another.
#Parenthood #parenting #cookies #dadwritesthings
11:10 PM · Jan 29, 2020·Twitter for Android
Hank inquiring as to why his tiny shirt has a 5 inch tag.
#childrensclothing #dadwritesthings #pareting
Yesterday, around 4:45, I was playing in the yard with Hank & I thought, 'we should go inside & check out the #SuperBowl
Then I thought, 'my son is happily playing outside!'
#gooutsideandplay #fatherhoodrocks #dadwritesthings #outdoorfun #dadlife
1:59 PM · Feb 3, 2020·Twitter for Android
Normally disgusting things that are downright adorable when a 1-year-old child does them.
1. Smacking their lips & chewing with their mouth open.
#parenting #fatherhood #dadlife #dadwritesthings
4:15 AM · Feb 6, 2020·Twitter for Android
So, anyone else's toddlers get completely hypnotized by @LittleBabyBum?
Great program & fantastic lessons, but seriously, in a trance.
#parenting #fatherhood #childrenstelevision
4:10 AM · Feb 10, 2020·Twitter for Android
This stage. Offer Hank another bite of food while he still has some in his mouth.
He spits out said food to make room for the fresh bite.
Our timing must be impeccable.
#dadlife #parenting #toddlerlife #fatherhood #dadwritesthings
4:18 AM · Feb 19, 2020·Twitter for Android
Do #swimdiapers really work?
Hank hasn't pooped in his yet (knock on wood) & every time we swim I fear I'm going to discover they are a big hoax.
#parenting #toddlerlife #dadlife #dadwritesthings #newdad
11:26 AM · Feb 22, 2020·Twitter for Android
Our toddler loves to take showers.
Not sure if this is rare or newsworthy, but I think it's super cool & awfully cute.
#toddlerlife #ProudDad #dadlife #parenting #dadwritesthings
4:14 AM · Feb 27, 2020·Twitter for Android
Missed his nap window this afternoon.
Now, I'm desperately trying to keep my tired toddler awake until 8 o'clock.
Fail and his schedule will be thrown off until he's 18.
Wish me luck!
#parenting #dadlife #fatherhood #dadwritesthings
6:02 PM · Feb 29, 2020·Twitter for Android
Everyone In The World: When are you having a baby?! When are you having a baby?!
(We have a baby)
EITW (immediately): When is Hank going to get a little brother or sister?!
Us: We're waiting until he turns 3, so he can babysit.
1:43 PM · Mar 1, 2020·Twitter for Android
Before I became a dad, I assumed that #teething lasted maybe a few weeks, tops.
I was quite mistaken.
#toddlerlife #parenting #dadlife #fatherhood #dadwritesthings
4:15 AM · Mar 3, 2020·Twitter for Android
Recently, while we are eating, our toddler will decide to start feeding me his food.
It is sooooo cute, but I don't think I can eat anymore #goldfish crackers.
#prouddad #toddlerlife #parenting #dadwritesthings
4:19 AM · Mar 6, 2020·Twitter for Android
I get a bit sad when Hank outgrows a toy or song that once was his favorite,
but I absolutely love watching him discover the next!
#toddlerlife #ProudDad #parenting #fatherhood #dadlife
11:23 PM · Mar 9, 2020·Twitter for Android
Hank often takes his afternoon nap in our bed.
Up until 21 months, he would cry a bit, when he woke, to alert us.
Now he just strolls out into the living room like, 'Hey, what's up?'
#ToddlerLife #dadlife #parenting #fatherhood #prouddad
5:01 AM · Mar 13, 2020·Twitter for Android
Hank insists on feeding himself exclusively.
15% on his shirt/bib
10% on his chair
50% on floor
25% in his mouth*
Also, meals take about 300% longer, but still an important and adorable stage.
*actual numbers vary dependent on food served.
#toddlerlife #prouddad #parenting
4:26 AM Mar 19, 2020 Twitter for Android
Did I mention Hell Track is about a mile from our house.
This could be trouble in a few years.
#hbweav #rad #toddlerlife @ Ruby Hill Park
11:21 AM · Mar 14, 2020·Instagram
Hank actively seeks out our hands to hold whenever we are walking together.
This 'stage' can't possibly last long enough.
#ProudDad #toddlers #toddlerlife #parenting #dadlife
4:23 AM · Mar 30, 2020·Twitter for Android
Back in normal times, when I got home from work, Hank would light up & run to give me a hug.
Now, I have to stop him & say, 'Wait! I have to change & shower first!'
It breaks his heart & it breaks mine.
Every day, I pray he is napping when I get home.
This really sucks.
4:22 AM · Apr 9, 2020·Twitter for Android
Dreaming of the day when a boy & his mom can, once again, just hang out at the pizza counter.
#hbweav #denvermilkmarket #quarantinedreaming @ Denver Milk Market
5:34 PM · Apr 12, 2020·Instagram
Every Sunday I do laundry.
Every Sunday I have a big, stupid smile as I fold Hank's tiny clothes.
He will be bigger than me by the time he's a teenager.
I am cherishing every second of this.
#toddlers #toddlerlife #parenting #dadlife
6:23 PM · Apr 12, 2020·Twitter for Android
Are we still doing the 'insert the word coworker for your child thing?'
Anyway, my coworker keeps punching me in the dick, but when he giggles afterward, he is so darned cute I can't stay mad.
#toddlerlife #parenting #parenthood #QuarantineLife
3:05 PM · Apr 25, 2020·Twitter for Android
This morning I gave Hank a banana slice & clear as day, in his tiny voice, he said, 'thank you.'
I have now assumed the role of #worldsgreatestdad I will relinquish the crown in 24 hrs or the next time I do something really stupid, whichever comes first.
7:31 PM · May 2, 2020·Twitter for Android
I've transitioned from touring outlaw country musician to guy who walks over to the neighbors' house at 10:30pm, on a Saturday, & asks them if they could 'turn the music down a bit, so our toddler can sleep.'
Also, I'm completely okay with this.
4:03 AM · Jun 1, 2020·Twitter for Android
Hank is almost 2 & has recently begun imitating me.
I fold my arms. He folds his arms.
I lean back on the porch steps. He leans back on the porch steps.
This will never grow old for me.
I hope he always wants to be like his dad.
#toddlers #toddlerlife #dadlife #Parenthood
10:15 AM · Jun 10, 2020·Twitter for Android