I told you, it's a work in progress.
As most of you know, I’ve been on a mission to finally learn to speak up after 50 years of keeping quiet. It’s something I didn’t even realize was a problem, after all, I’d been praised for it my entire life. I was the "good kid," always quiet, always keeping my mouth shut about what I wanted, needed, or felt. And sure, that seemed to work well for me... for a while. But eventually, I realized that this very thing might have been holding me back all along.
I’ve been documenting my journey, and along the way, I’ve come up with some steps that have really helped me move in the right direction. If you’ve been following along, you might remember my first big revelation: stop apologizing for everything. I had this terrible habit of apologizing as a knee-jerk reaction, even when I wasn’t at fault. But after just a few days of consciously noticing when I did it and working to stop, I broke the habit. I was pretty proud of myself.
However, what I’ve come to understand since then is that apologizing wasn’t actually the first step in my journey. It was an important milestone, but it wasn’t where it all began. No, the real first step, the one that got everything rolling, was therapy.
The real first step
When I look back on it, it’s so clear now that getting into therapy was the true beginning of my transformation. If you’ve ever thought to yourself, “Maybe I should talk to someone,” or, “I don’t really need therapy, there’s nothing wrong with me,” let me stop you right there. Therapy isn’t just for when something’s "wrong." It’s for when you want to understand yourself better, to communicate more clearly, and to improve your relationships, whether with others or with yourself.
If you’re someone who thinks, “I don’t need someone poking around in my head,” well, you probably need therapy more than you realize. And that’s okay! The stigma isn’t what it used to be. Most people could benefit from a good therapist.
Sami and I started couples counseling a few years ago, and honestly, it’s been one of the best decisions we’ve made. Our therapist is amazing, and the work we’ve done has been transformational, both for us as individuals and as a couple.
Therapy isn't about sides
I may be projecting here, but I imagine most folks go in to couples therapy thinking, “Oh, this is going to be great! The therapist is soooo going to take my side!” I certainly did. I went in with this cocky attitude, assuming the therapist would point out all the ways Sami was wrong and how I was the reasonable one. But it didn’t take long for me to realize that, wow, I had plenty of my own stuff to work on.
The biggest thing I learned? Sami just wanted me to communicate. She wanted me to express how I was feeling, what I was thinking, what I needed. And I didn’t know how to do that. I had spent my entire life learning to not communicate -learning to keep my head down and my mouth shut. After nearly 50 years of that, it becomes second nature. And that’s when I knew I had to change.
That realization is why I decided to embark on this personal journey. Yes, couples counseling was helping us as a couple, but I needed to go deeper. I needed to learn how to speak up, not just for Sami, but for myself. Therapy has been an essential part of that process. It’s changed my life in ways I didn’t think possible.
Impressing all the ladies
There’s a story I often tell, one my mom loves to repeat. I was about four or five years old, sitting with her in a hair salon, quietly sitting on my hands, not making a peep. The women in the salon gushed over me, “What a good boy!” And my mom beamed with pride. That was the model I followed for the rest of my life. Sit quietly, don’t make waves, be the good kid. It worked well enough... until it didn’t.
When I reflected on that story in therapy, I realized how much of my identity had been shaped by those early experiences. Sure, being quiet earned me praise from teachers, employers, and random strangers. But it also held me back, from deeper relationships, from success at work, from fully expressing myself as a musician. It was time to break free from that.
The journey continues
So here I am, still a work in progress. Step one? Therapy. Step two? Stop apologizing. I’m doing great with that one! But there’s more work to be done, and I’m committed to continuing this journey of self-discovery and growth.
If you’re in the same boat -whether you’re realizing this at 50, 30, or even 10 -let this be a reminder that it’s never too late to learn to communicate, to speak up for yourself, and to tell people what you really feel. You deserve to be heard.
Thanks for sticking with me on this journey. I hope my story can help you in some way, and I can’t wait to share more as I keep moving forward.
– Bradley
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This transformation might take time, but it’s worth every step. And remember, it all starts with just one. Getting the right support to guide you along the way. Therapy changed my life, and it can change yours too.