The Struggle Between Being Seen On Stage and Off
There are a lot of folks, out there, who only know me as a musician. A guy who’s comfortable with a guitar in hand, standing in front of a crowd, doing what I love. So, when those people hear about my recent journey -learning how to speak up and be seen in my everyday life -they’re baffled.
“Brad, I’ve seen you on stage for 25 years. What do you mean you have a problem being seen?”
Their confusion makes sense. On stage, I project confidence. But what they don’t see is the sharp contrast between my life under the spotlight and my life off stage.
The Stage: A Comfortable Spotlight
I’ve always loved performing. From the time I first picked up a guitar in my early 20s, there was a sense of freedom that came with being on stage. People were there to hear me play and sing. They wanted to connect with the music, with me. In that setting, I felt valued.
But off stage? Completely different story.
Off Stage: Fading into the Background
In my day-to-day life, I’ve spent years perfecting the art of invisibility. I’ve always felt like what I had to say didn’t matter, like people weren’t interested. So, I stayed quiet. Head down. Comfortable in the shadows.
Reconciling these two versions of myself -the confident performer and the reserved everyday guy -has been the journey of the past year and a half. I don’t buy into the whole “stage persona” trope. I’m the same person on and off stage. The difference is that on stage, I believe people care about what I have to say. Off stage? Not so much.
Bridging the Gap
My goal has been to bring some of that on-stage confidence into my everyday interactions. And it’s been going well. Slowly but surely, I’m learning to speak up, to trust that my voice matters even when I’m not holding a microphone.
I recently shared more about this journey on a podcast called Btch Fest. It’s a fantastic podcast primarily aimed at women, and I had the honor of being their first (and so far, only) male guest. They drew a lot out of me, and we explored the contrast between my on-stage and off-stage selves in depth. I’ll link to the episode in the comments. It’s worth a listen.
A Story from the Road
Years ago, I toured with Ryan Chrys and the Rough Cuts, an incredible band still out there doing their thing. I spent seven or eight years with them, traveling across the country and playing shows.
When I first joined, I was the quiet singer-songwriter type. I’d do my set, pack up, and head out without much fanfare. But as the band’s popularity grew, something shifted in me.
I started retreating more, almost like a reflex. After our set, if there wasn’t a backstage area, I’d make a beeline to the back of the room, usually near the bar. I’d put my head down, avoid eye contact, and wait until it was time for the next set.
What began as shyness started to feel… different. I worried people thought I was being aloof or arrogant. Fans would hold out their hands for high-fives, friends would wave to get my attention, and I’d breeze past them, head down.
Was It All in My Head?
Maybe it was all in my head. Maybe people didn’t see me as the “too-good-for-you” guy I feared becoming. But that’s how I felt.
If you were at one of those shows and thought, “Man, Brad’s kind of a jerk,” let me say this: it wasn’t you, it was me, but not for the reasons you probably imagined. I wasn’t avoiding people because I thought I was better than them. I was avoiding people because I felt like I had nothing to offer. I felt like I would be bothering them. Off stage I felt I should be invisible.
Moving Forward
Looking back, I wish I’d handled those moments differently. I wish I’d had the courage to be present, to connect with people who wanted to connect with me. That’s what I’m working on now -bridging the gap between the Brad on stage and the Brad off stage.
If you’ve ever felt the same way, confident in one area of your life but hesitant in another, know that you’re not alone. And know that it’s possible to bring those two sides together.
So here’s to growth, to learning, and to speaking up. Even if it feels awkward at first.
Oh, and don’t forget to check out Btch Fest. I promise it’s a great listen!