From Hiding Behind Songs to Speaking Out Loud
My last video featured a song I wrote nearly 30 years ago. Sharing it got me thinking about songwriting and why I started in the first place.
Like a lot of musicians, I’ve been asked countless times about my influences. And while I could go on forever about that, I usually simplify it like this:
Metallica made me feel the power of music.
Pearl Jam made me want to write songs.
And Neil Young made me believe that I actually could.
That’s it in a nutshell.
From the moment I picked up an instrument, I wasn’t dreaming of being on stage or touring the world. I just wanted to write songs. That was the whole reason I started playing music, to get something out. To say something I didn’t know how to say out loud.
My dream, though I chased it with maybe one foot on the gas and one on the brake, was to be a songwriter. Not a performer. I didn’t want the spotlight. I just wanted to hand off the songs to someone else, let them sing them, maybe even make them famous. And if we both made a little money in the process? Great.
But really, I just had things to say. I just didn’t want to say them myself.
There’s a quote by Ani DiFranco that always stuck with me:
“I write about what I should have done. I sing what I wish I could say.”
That was it. That was me.
I had so much inside. And music was the only safe way to let it out.
But every time I tried to pitch my songs to other artists, I kept getting the same feedback:
“This sounds like a singer-songwriter.”
Which was code for: This is your story. You’re the one who has to sing it.
Maybe that was a polite rejection. But maybe, just maybe, they were right.
So I started performing my own songs. And funny enough, I didn’t mind being on stage. I’ve always felt oddly at ease in front of a crowd. It’s after the show, when the small talk starts and the social energy kicks in, that the anxiety shows up.
Still, I kept writing. Kept playing. Kept trying. And now here I am, three decades down the road, with a lot of songs under my belt, most of them these days are for kids, which is a blast in its own right.
But here's the shift:
This journey I’ve been on lately, the one about learning to speak up, to be seen, to be heard, it’s connected to all of this.
Back then, I believed the only way I could express myself was through lyrics. Now I’m realizing I don’t always have to write a song. I can just say the thing.
That’s a huge deal for someone who’s spent most of his life hiding behind melodies and metaphors.
I’ll keep writing songs. Absolutely. Especially silly, sing along ones for kids. That will always be part of who I am.
But the rest of it? The messy, honest, everyday thoughts swirling around in my head?
I’m learning to speak those out loud, too.
And it’s getting better.